He Keeps Calling

He Keeps Calling


Last month, I gave him a second chance, gave “us” a second chance. I guess I’m that kind of girl after all. I let him take me out for food and drinks one Friday night after work, and before I knew it, things were exactly where they’d left off. I went into it hoping things would be different this time. Seven months had passed since we’d last seen each other, which meant he had ample time to mull over what had gone wrong between us. I know I did. I so desperately wanted this second time to be better than the first, to go further than the last. I wanted him to have changed his mind about me, to finally see me as a woman worth calling his instead of a friend with benefits. And then about two weeks into it, I noticed that nothing about him had changed.

Since coming to that realization, I’ve decided that it’s best that I leave him alone, to walk away from him for good this time. At the time of writing this, it’s been about three weeks since I last saw him. I broke it off via text, explained to him that I was done and that it (whatever “it” is between us) was over. I’ve done this before, though. I’ve told him that I was fed up with his bullshit and that I wanted nothing else to do with him. Usually, he’d leave me alone for a few days, give me time to cool off, think through everything, and then he’d contact me and act like nothing ever happened. He’s good at making me forget and forgive. We’d make up and I’d be right back in his bed, right back to doing all the shit I swore that I was done with. Not this time, though.

I think he can sense that I’m not ready to give in to his advances just yet because he hasn’t let up. He keeps calling and texting, reaching out to get my attention. Not excessively, but enough to make me believe he cares about me, about us, even though I know deep down he doesn’t. He’s never this persistent in chasing me until I have one foot out the door. He knows that it’s only a matter of time before I hit “Accept” instead of “Decline” when he calls or replies to one of his text messages—even if it’s a one-word response. He’s waiting for me to betray myself, to go back to him because I’ve already done it so many times before. But…I’m trying hard not to do it this time. I won’t do it this time. I hope won’t. I shouldn’t.

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18 Comments

  1. Alyssia :)
    Monday, June 12, 2017 / 7:24 am

    This is a GREAT post. Lol. Thank you girl…. Thank you!

    • Monday, June 12, 2017 / 10:01 am

      Thanks, Alyssia! 🙂

  2. Monday, June 12, 2017 / 7:53 am

    Girl, we all have one of these stories to tell. We have all been there before saying we’re not going to do this, that and the third as it relates to an individual(I was just there myself last Monday), so you may betray yourself-we all have-hence why we have these lovely life stories to tell. I will say this, Andrea….you will know when you are done with him when none of the things he’s doing moves you! That’s when you will say….Finally!

    • Monday, June 12, 2017 / 11:32 am

      You’re so right about that, Bobbie. We can say we’re down until we’re blue in the face but we’re not really done until we actually are.

  3. Monday, June 12, 2017 / 10:16 am

    Love this post! If you’re really done, however, maybe block him so the calls don’t even come through on your phone? And block him on social media? That’s always a nice option, lol.

    Xx

    • Tuesday, June 13, 2017 / 1:46 pm

      Thanks, Chantel. I deleted his number but I haven’t blocked him. As I mentioned, the contact isn’t excessive so I didn’t see a need to block. Good idea, though. He and I aren’t connected on any social media sites (as far as I know, he’s not on any social media platforms).

  4. Tuesday, June 13, 2017 / 3:16 pm

    Girl, BE strong! Lol, I was just talking to someone about this over the weekend. I think for me what has made it harder for me when I kept going back and forth with a rollercoaster will they, won’t they relationship it was because I was surrounded by women who had really shitty relationships and were sticking it out and “working on things”. I woke up one day months ago and realized, I don’t want to work things out anymore. I don’t want to receive subpar treatment out of fear of trying to find love with someone new and/or just be alone. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. People don’t change. You grow, but I feel like when it comes to patterns, partners aren’t going to stop being who they are. So find a good one so that there aren’t things you want to change. My ex was the worst! Great guy, but just not great for me and instead of trying to change him after years of trying to, I was just like, you know what? I’ll just leave. That’s something I can change. I’m proud of you and hope it continues. We deserve so much better and there are men out there willing to give it to you without having to beg for it. This guy I’m dating now, I’m like thinking, wow, it’s this easy? Lol, anyway, I’m rambling and telling TOO much of my business, but I say if you have girlfriends around you who stay with their aint shit boyfriends, I advise you to create some distance for the time being and reconnect with yourself for a bit. After that, reintroduce those opinions and influences into your world. You’ll be stronger for it.

    http://www.theindiebyline.com

    • Wednesday, June 14, 2017 / 8:10 pm

      Ahhh, that’s such a good point! People don’t change, but they can grow/evolve. I’d take it a step further and say who they are at the core remains the same, so don’t expect anyone to do a 180. I will certainly heed that advice on spending time with myself, figuring out what it is that I want from a partner, and more importantly, who I am, what I’m willing/unwilling to tolerate from another person, etc. I consider this situation to be a major adult life lesson that I absolutely had to go through to learn something about myself. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. Good insight, girl!

  5. Raven
    Tuesday, June 13, 2017 / 9:00 pm

    I’m loving the transparency Drea! You know I’ve always been a fan of your writing.

    • Wednesday, June 14, 2017 / 7:47 pm

      Yes you have. Thanks so much for the continued support over the years of my intermittent blogging, Raven. 🙂

  6. Style4Curves
    Tuesday, June 13, 2017 / 9:23 pm

    Keep up the fight Andrea. One thing about it you have given YOUR best and gave him another shot to give you his. He has shown now twice that he wants you as an option when you’re content with it and as a priority when he’s afraid of losing you. He should value whatever possesses him to call you incessantly when you are about to leave him alone without you having to threaten to leave. I know it’s hard tho….especially when hormones come calling……..to be frank: get some BOB (battery operated boyfriends) to keep that from being his one way back in.

    • Wednesday, June 14, 2017 / 8:12 pm

      LMAO …. yesssss to battery-operated-friends. I am so with it (although nothing could ever come close to the real thang!). You’re right, though. He’s shown me twice that he’s not going to give me any more than he already has and I should stop giving him chances and leave him alone for good. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

  7. Style4Curves
    Tuesday, June 13, 2017 / 9:25 pm

    P.S. this photo is AMAZING I can’t blame him for calling tho!!! Hot!!!!

    • Wednesday, June 14, 2017 / 7:45 pm

      Hahaha, thanks boo!

  8. Monday, June 26, 2017 / 7:24 pm

    Looking good, Drea! And I love that you’re being so transparent about this. Ugh, why must it be so hard to stop effin’ with someone who’s made their shitty intentions clear? It’s like our emotions won’t let us be great :-/ Anyway, hang in there. Sounds like you’re at least heading in the direction of being done, which will be such a relief when it happens.

    • Sunday, July 2, 2017 / 4:38 pm

      Thanks, Kenya! And that’s exactly it: logically, you know you’re making a fool of yourself by continuing to deal with someone who’s made it abundantly clear that they’re not into you, but emotionally, you struggle to leave that person and their bullshit behind. The tough part is trying to explain that to someone who’s never been through it. It’s like you have to go through it to understand the stupidity behind the back and forth, the push and pull, and then you’ll realize that you’re not operating from a place of reason, but a place of emotions. It was difficult at first, but writing about it has been incredibly therapeutic.

  9. Sunday, July 9, 2017 / 8:47 pm

    GIRLLLLL this was me for the longest. I finally had the courage to block his number (even when he resorted to texting me from text app numbers). Eventually, I moved and now… a year and some change later, I haven’t been sucked back in (like I’ve done 100+ times in the past).

    I’M CURED!

    • Saturday, July 15, 2017 / 9:21 pm

      It was a struggle at first but I’ve been cured, too. I don’t even think about him; he hasn’t reached out to me and I’ve not tried contact him either, so my life is back to normal. Finally, we’ve been delivered! LOL!

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