Last month, I gave him a second chance, gave “us” a second chance. I guess I’m that kind of girl after all.I let him take me out for food and drinks one Friday night after work, and before I knew it, things were exactly where they’d left off. I went into it hoping things would be different this time. Seven months had passed since we’d last seen each other, which meant he had ample time to mull over what had gone wrong between us. I know I did. I so desperately wanted this second time to be better than the first, to go further than the last. I wanted him to have changed his mind about me, to finally see me as a woman worth calling his instead of a friend with benefits. And then about two weeks into it, I noticed that nothing about him had changed.
Since coming to that realization, I’ve decided that it’s best that I leave him alone, to walk away from him for good this time. At the time of writing this, it’s been about three weeks since I last saw him. I broke it off via text, explained to him that I was done and that it (whatever “it” is between us) was over. I’ve done this before, though. I’ve told him that I was fed up with his bullshit and that I wanted nothing else to do with him. Usually, he’d leave me alone for a few days, give me time to cool off, think through everything, and then he’d contact me and act like nothing ever happened. He’s good at making me forget and forgive. We’d make up and I’d be right back in his bed, right back to doing all the shit I swore that I was done with. Not this time, though.
I think he can sense that I’m not ready to give in to his advances just yet because he hasn’t let up. He keeps calling and texting, reaching out to get my attention. Not excessively, but enough to make me believe he cares about me, about us, even though I know deep down he doesn’t. He’s never this persistent in chasing me until I have one foot out the door. He knows that it’s only a matter of time before I hit “Accept” instead of “Decline” when he calls or replies to one of his text messages—even if it’s a one-word response. He’s waiting for me to betray myself, to go back to him because I’ve already done it so many times before. But…I’m trying hard not to do it this time. I won’t do it this time. I hope won’t. I shouldn’t.