I endured my fourth Brazilian wax last week, and yes, it was utter hell. Getting your pubic hairs mercilessly snatched from the follicle is never a walk in the park. In fact, the entire experience is excruciatingly painful, not to mention extremely uncomfortable. Who enjoys a stranger staring and smelling between their legs? I surely don’t. And yet, this is what I, and many other women, subject ourselves to in the name of beauty every four to six weeks.
Having survived four Brazilian waxes in my lifetime basically means that I’m no longer a rookie at this, so I can tell you everything you need to know about getting your bush waxed off—Brazilian style. So, here’s what to expect if you’re getting a Brazilian wax for the first time.
First, expect to spend about $50 to $100 for a Brazilian wax done at a reputable salon or spa. So far, the most I’ve paid was $75, which included a tip for the waxer; the least I’ve paid was $60 and that also included a tip. I suggest downloading the Groupon app to hunt for deals or asking people you know for salon recommendations. I wouldn’t advise going to a salon where you can get a Brazilian wax for anything less than $50 because more than likely, the waxer is inexperienced, unprofessional, unsanitary, or all of the above.
Next, you should go to the appointment knowing what you want. Do you want to look like a prepubescent girl without a strand of hair down there or do you want to leave a little for aesthetic purposes? Each time I got a Brazilian, this question was posed because waxers know that women getting Brazilians for the first time can be uncertain about the idea of being completely hairless down there. So, it’s very important that you have an idea of how you want your vagina to look afterwards. If that means you have to Google images of vaginas to make a final decision, by all means, do it! Frankly, I like my snatch in all of its bald glory, so I request to get every single hair removed.
Another thing to brace yourself for is the amount of time it takes to rip all of the hairs from the nooks and crannies of your nether region. There is no such thing as a “wax and dash” because a Brazilian done the right way can’t be done in 10 minutes or less. My suggestion is to book an appointment on a day when you have ample free time so that you won’t be in a rush. In my experience, a full Brazilian—that’s the front and back—can take between 30 to 35 minutes depending on how much hair there is, how tolerant of pain you are, and how quick and efficient the aesthetician is. If you’re flinching and yelping, the process will be prolonged. If you can relax and follow your waxer’s instructions, it may not take too long.
Also, you should expect to feel wholly uncomfortable when your waxer tells you to remove all garments from the waist down and climb onto that cold bench and spread eagle or hold your legs in the butterfly pose. It’s even weirder and more uncomfortable when it’s time for her to do the backside and she instructs you to lay on your stomach and hold both of your butt cheeks open so she can apply the wax. Surprisingly, though, the butt crack is the easiest part of this and you’ll barely flinch. (See? It’s not all bad.)
Finally, expect a lot of pain and and a little tenderness. No matter how many pain reliever pills you pop before the appointment, you can expect to experience unbearable agony during this tortuous process. The hot green wax being slathered onto your labia and then being snatched upward is an experience you can never prepare for. It will sting and burn and you will want to die. The good news, though, is that you will live and the pain will subside immediately after the hair has been removed and the only thing that you may experience afterwards is tenderness down there. This means you’ll want to avoid excessive friction or pressure against your hot pocket for the first few hours at least.
And that’s pretty much it! In a future post, I’ll offer some tips on what to do before getting a Brazilian wax and tips on what to do after the wax. In the meantime, tell me: have you ever had a Brazilian wax before? If so, share your experience below. If not, would you ever consider getting a Brazilian?